Look. McDonald’s, we need to talk. It’s about your breakfast. You do quite a few despicable things, but none so bad as your handling of breakfast in Germany. Even the few months each year where you make a mockery of foreign culinary traditions aren’t so bad. But your performance before 10:30 am each day is just simply unacceptable.
German McDonald’s, you need to serve biscuits. Whether or not you accept this position, you serve as our American ambassadors of goodwill in the Fatherland, and you misrepresent us each and every morning that you don’t serve biscuits. Not biscuits with butter, not biscuits with jam or jelly. You have no sausage biscuit, no bacon, egg and cheese biscuit. There are parts of America where biscuits are served with every single meal of the day, and you don’t even bother to offer them at their most needed time.
Your mother company has scientifically engineered the perfect biscuit sandwich, the McGriddle. Process after process ensures that this masterpiece won’t disappoint. They even photolithographically etch the arches into each half and dope the substrate with maple syrup. A syrup-infused biscuit McDonald’s Germany. That’s what Germans should be having for breakfast. Not “Sweet Breakfast”, which is actually in no way sweet at all.
McDonald’s, your motto was once “One World, One Taste,” and now the Germans can’t even buy hash-browns.
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